Today, I feel so empty.
I have been told that action cures fear. Have I not done enough? Apparently not, because why am I feeling this way.
But I’m tired. So tired. God knows how I’m acting like an automaton these days–with no sleep just for hundreds of paper works.
I realized I have really turned into an automaton. Pretending to be okay when things are not. Smiling when all I want is to cry. But I just can’t. I can’t. The tears won’t come out.
And now all I really want is to run to my mother and cry my heart out. Or talk to my father and share some burden. Or chat with my friends who would care to listen. But what can I do? My mother is in heaven, my father is so far away. And my friends are so busy with their own world-shattering problems.
So instead, there are so many things I want to do alone today. I want to run as many times around the oval until I lose my breath. I want to go to the cliff and shout as loud as I can until I lose my voice. I want to sit in the golf course alone–with nobody staring and asking me why– and cry until I could no longer see the lake and the sleeping lady.
Maybe, if I could just release all these sadness, frustrations, fears… But then, but then…
Oh, time, please be my friend. I would trade you with most of my friends in Facebook and Friendster who have given me an illusion that many care for me. Gone are the days when I think of myself as a superwoman–that I could do all things because I could think I can. This time I need superheroes,too.
Time, space, universe, cosmos, please be my friends and help me.