My two months worth of teacher’s leave is slowly inching away and I am still unsure of what to do. I had planned on spending my vacation elsewhere–by backpacking by the beach or in the mountains–so I can go back to writing. But I haven’t started that yet. There are still some paper works and some budgeting to do, some chores that I haven’t started…(*hayyy*)
So checked my notes and found an entry written last year August 27, 10:14 p.m. Maybe this can help me refuel my writing…
Here is it:
I had always thought that I can easily write once I have my own personal laptop. This laptop. But then I’ve found out that no matter how many gadgets I have or writing pads or pencils, if my heart is not into it, then I won’t be able to produce something. But then my heart is into it, why is it still so difficult for me to write? Why do I still have to squeeze from my brain and heart the things that have been easy for me to express before? What happened? What had happened to me?
And so, I write bit by bit, word for word, feeling by feeling. No pressure attached. No fear of failure. Maybe the only purpose of this text is just to exist. Even if it’s so difficult to do. OR TO BE. :”(
To help me tide through this writing storm, I’ll craft a prayer that will hopefully help me for the succeeding days:
Dear God, the greatest Force in the multiverse,
The supreme explainer of all things, help this struggling writer whose existence hinge largely on her capacity to express herself. Help her find silence amid the worlds’ chaos, both without and within. Help her hear the sounds and understand them but give her courage to hear the little sound emanating from the depths of her heart. This sound, this voice, is a manifestation of the universe itself contained in a packet meant for her to explore. Others have their packets too but it is also their supreme duty to understand its contents, no matter how different they may turn out to be.
Oh, God, help this struggling writer to be more present. To value people, to waste no time in this world….